Grateful

I am grateful today. I said to myself earlier... I said, "Self, what can you be grateful for today?" and then I said, "I can be grateful for this subway ride, because driving to the city is not the business." "I can be grateful for my parents because they are wicked supportive." There were others, but at the risk of sounding like I am the head of group meeting, I will end it there.

I just don't think it is necessary to be sad all ways. Some days? Yes. All ways? No. I decided that what I am grateful for today is being able to say no when I want to say no. I tend to say no, but don't want to disappoint folk and feel bad. I'm over that. In my life right now, I can be grateful, I can sit in a place of peace, but quite frankly, I am uneasy and have no idea why. For the first time yesterday, I accepted that. I am uneasy. I want change in life. (i know, i know that word is getting old thanks to Mr. Obama, but damit he did not right Webster, so shit if I aint usin' it.) I will not mention the sense that not only will he lead and put in good policy, but hold US all accountable, what an amazing orator that man is and his level of acceptance that all of this is far greater than him.

Do I feel upset all ways? No, but instead of searching Ima go 'head and chill out! In my path toward acceptance, I noticed my homeless man friend. He always speaks to me, but I don't speak back, not wanting him to say something more than just that... hello! I saw him by the 4/5. He was sleeping and in that moment I thought about the non-work it would be on my part to just say... hello! In fact, maybe saying hello would add another point to my gratitude list. It comes to me, that as a child, Ernest would say, "What if that man was Jesus?" Now as a child, well for me as a child, that was scary. "So what you are telling me, Ernest, is that, that man on the street with 4 layers of clothes on is Jesus Christ?" What does that do to a child? Quite frankly, it scared the ba-Jesus out of her. I kid! I am reminded of that, because like this man, he may want more and in those moments his desires may come in the form of a simple gesture.

I could list a few things that are not working and yet at this very moment all that matters is the enjoyment of the weekend cometh.

This too shall pass.

Pamela (the voice in my head reminding me that life just is not that serious)